Today is my last day of taking Clomid for our first round of IUI and I am happy to inform that I did not have any side effects. I only took 50mg this time around, so that might have something to do with it. But I am counting my super lucky starts as my dear husband is offshore for another month and I am here caring for our 5 year old boy, two cats, two dogs, and 4 hooligan donkeys.Yeah, needless to say my days are go go go from the time the sun comes up until sometimes in the middle of the night when my body finally agrees to rest. I have probably forgotten to tell you guys that I suffer from severe insomnia. My body can function on 2 hours of sleep for weeks and weeks at the time. And that used to come in handy when my boy was a baby as I never felt too tired to care for him even if he nursed every hour on the hour. Now when the sun goes down and the house gets quiet, my mind starts working on the virtual chore list and does not stop until I force a shut down. Guess it comes in handy with parents with several kids, but with my small family it tends to get boring and too much. I wish I could put my head on the pillow and be asleep 10 minutes later.
But I digress...
In 4 days I will have my 12th day hormone blood test and a scan to measure my follicles to see if this cycle is a go or a no go for the IUI. After 4 miscarriages in a row I must say I am feeling a bit scared and nervous about loosing another little angel. It's hard to explain a miscarriage for anyone who has never experienced one. I always saw myself as a woman who would never have any problems having kids. My sister seems to pop a kid out every few years, my mother had 4 children, my aunt had two children etc etc etc. I have a huge family back home in Norway, and they always question me if I think it's because I live in the US, or the food I eat, or the water I drink or even worse, maybe you are not meant to have more children. And to that I have one thing to say; My heart feel empty and I know we are supposed to have more children and the food and water is just about as safe ad the food and water in Norway. HA
So the way I feel each time I experience a miscarriage you ask? I loose a little bit of my heart each time, I cry and mourn in silence after night falls, I am at times angry at God for putting me thru these peaks and valleys, I feel like I want to give up along with seeing all my friends whom I love have their 2nd and 3rd babies. It is hard not to get angry and jealous, but everyday I remind myself that God has a plan with my life and if God has plans for me to have more babies it will eventually happen. It's just my job not to leave any stone unturned! We built a big house knowing we wanted children to fill every bedroom, and My dear husband and I have tried to grow our family since our little boy was only a few months old. But with me having PCOS and MTHFR on top of my husband working for months at the time offshore it was difficult to time everything perfectly. Now since we have taken the timing part out of the equation, I can only pray and hope that 2012 will be our year to be blessed and STAY blessed. :)
So in 4 more days I will know if this lazy body of mine produced some good looking follicles.
All I can say is... come on baby number 2, we have been very patient and would love meet you in about 9 months. IF God allows...
If not... There is always next month, its not like I am new at this waiting game. lol
God bless
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